“Most people are not looking for provable truths. As you said, truth is often accompanied by intense pain, and almost no one is looking for painful truths. What people need is beautiful, comforting stories that make them feel as if their lives have some meaning.”
― Haruki Murakami, 1Q84
“What the hell is going on between my husband and that bitch?” Maya's patience was at its lowest ebb and she was ready to burst.
Sanjay knew that she was serious. “Look, Maya. There is nothing going on between the two of them. Just a little bit of healthy flirting, I'd say.”
“Flirting? Healthy flirting? Really Sanjay . . .” she rolled her eyes in disgust. “That's what you men call it? There is nothing healthy about flirting, Sanjay, not for a married man. Healthy flirting is a term introduced by perverted men who want to lend legitimacy to their extramarital dalliances. Flirting invariably has a sexual connotation to it.” She got up from her seat and walked around the room gesticulating and muttering something to herself. Suddenly she stopped, turned back, looked at Sanjay and asked, “Did my husband sleep with her? You are his friend. Did he ever tell you anything about it?”
He gapped at her, open mouthed for a while, after a second or two recovering his composure, he assured her, “No way, Sreekanth would never do that to you...and as his friend I can vouch for it!”
She wasn't really convinced, “You mean to say you don't know, right?” Suddenly her surge of intense passion passed, she looked deflated and incredibly sad, “You know what hurts the most, the not knowing part...if after 10 years of marriage I still can't say for sure if he is or isn't cheating, I just don't know...” She sat herself beside him on the sofa and her eyes gently brimming with tears. Sanjay patted her arm, feeling helpless. She seemed inconsolable and he regretted coming over, it looked like he could do nothing to ease her pain. She regained her composure after shedding few more tears and then she wiped them clean using his clean handkerchief. Too clean really, she wrinkled her nose, sometimes she wondered about Sanjay, he could never hold on to a girl for more than six months and his love life was barely there although he was the most loyal of their mutual friends. She started feeling guilty, just because she could she had called him over in mid-afternoon on a working day and she had been screaming and whining insistently right from the moment he had stepped inside the flat. After all he came and she had to call him once, no excuses, no hold-ups, she smiled wistfully, thinking if she could feel the same way about her husband who lately never had any time for her or their home...
“I am so sorry for being such a whiny bitch, can't say I am hundred percent assured of my dear hubby's fidelity but I will take your word for it for now and let it rest.” She sighed, and rubbed her hand over her eyes, it was so tiring, all this drama, who had time for it? Not when one is in their 40s!
Sanjay smiled in relief, “I am so glad you feel this way, trust me, everything is fine! I should be going now,” He glanced at his over-sized wrist watch, he was always so impeccably dressed, except for the huge steel contraception for a watch he wore, it seemed to be of some sentimental value to him. She absent mindfully pushed her hair back on her right side, an unconscious gesture, he realized he had grown quite fond of her...their friendship began when she started dating Sreekanth about 12 years ago and they were not friends to each other then, but gradually over the years, they grew to rely on each other...He looked at his watch again, it was time to leave. She was staring at him with a quizzical expression, “You are a strange fellow...you know that right? But a good friend....Don't you have to get back to work?” she laughed hysterically. Sanjay was taken aback, he could never get used to her theatrics!
“Yep, indeed! I got to go!” He kissed her forehead, “Take care of yourself and please no more snooping around and feeling jealous, okay? Good!” Sanjay hurried out.
Maya sighed, the empty flat reminded her of her empty life, she had such bright hopes and dreams when they had moved in their home, she had taken so much time and care to choose everything from the furniture to the drapes to the decor...she had given so much of her time and patience to their home, but after all the time, it was just a well decorated empty shell, not nearly a home. Maybe having children would have helped but Sreekanth thought they would be better off without kids and now she had nothing…She wished she could change and undo everything, begin again, a fresh start...Her phone began to vibrate jolting her to reality, it was her husband's office.
“Hello?”
“Maya, I am sending my PA, Asha to get my blackberry, I have forgotten it somewhere…could you locate it and hand it to her, please?” He was always so curt with her, so formal; Maya frowned, feeling vindictive and especially nasty, “Oh I don't think you left it here, must have dropped it on your way to work, did you check your car?” It was the phone that had spoiled her morning, she had found it at his work table and couldn't resist the temptation to check his calls and messages, and few questionable messages from his office colleague, a very pretty and chic lady had caused Maya to lose it all! And now, Sreekanth had the guts to ask her to look for his phone, oh to hell with it!
“Oh! I assumed I must have left it at home, but would you please have a look nevertheless and let me know, I'll call Asha, she must be on her way!” She groaned, another one of his minions, oh hateful spite! Oh how she wished ill upon him! He hung up on her, before she could say bye, what was his hurry? She realized if she asked for a divorce he would concede, such a sterile end to their marriage, maybe theirs wasn’t really a fairy tale passion but it was something or wasn’t it? After all these years, nothing? How can he be so cold?
She decided to have a face to face talk; or an argument or what have you with her husband right then, if it was a dead relationship why carry it anymore? Being the impulsive person she was, Maya made up her mind to go to Sreekanth’s office right then, without wasting one more moment, she would either mend or end her marriage. She picked up the car keys and absentmindedly grabbed his blackberry as well on her way out.
It was a little chilly that afternoon, though not quite winter-ish but a barely there nip in the air. Sanjay rubbed his runny nose with a tissue, he bit his lip, feeling more guilty and ever. He had known Sreekanth since they were neighbours, back in the good old days in Manali. They had lived through everything and seen a lot of ups and downs, together…their love was unspeakable yet unbreakable…He knew they could never really be together and to keep up appearances, he had persuaded Sreekanth to court and finally to marry Maya…He remembered how on their wedding day Sreekanth had freaked and had almost ran away, a true case of wedding jitters or something like that, Sanjay smiled bitterly, it was more much more than that, the agony of seeing the one you love living a life with someone else, but he was the one who managed this lie and helped Sreekanth live this half truth of a life…What he didn’t count on was the guilt…the strain of keeping this lie from falling apart was getting to him, but Sreekanth seemed happy, they could have their moments of tenderness and blame it on some pretense…this time it went too far, flirting with Asha to deflect suspicion was too low, was Sreekanth really turning to be so cold and calculative? Sanjay caught his reflection in the rear view mirror, sometimes, he found it hard to look at himself…the web of lies they had spun to protect their paradise was gradually disintegrating, disappearing into thin air…
Maya took a short cut around the bend of the road, she had forgotten how crazy traffic was in Mumbai, she laughed thinking how much she had given up, her job, her hometown, her friends, social life for this shitty marriage and now she was ready to give it up as well…That’s how life works maybe, one keeps loosing things one holds dear one by one, gradually and finally gives up the only thing left, life.
Sanjay reached Sreekanth’s office first, he knew where he would be, smoking by the corner, all by himself. Watching his silhouette against the curtains, Sanjay knew why he did what he did, all the demeaning and selfish deeds made sense, fooling Maya, the trusting silly woman, made sense…Sreekanth turned to look at him, and smiled,
“So what’s the story? Does she really have my phone?” he chuckled gently. Sanjay squirmed at his coldness; did he not care about her at all?
“This was a tad too far, you should not have used this ruse, why bring Asha in all of this?”
“Are you really complaining? Would you rather she suspect us and put an end to what we have?” Sanjay stopped in his track, his heart skipped a beat, how could he even say that?
“I don’t know, maybe, if we could put an end to this? I don’t know…” Sanjay sat down on the couch, feeling helpless…Sreekanth sat down beside him, resting his head on his shoulder…
“What are we doing, Sreekanth? Is this really what we are and what we want?”
Sreekanth sighed, “At least we have what we have, this moment, when we can leave everything behind…I can’t imagine not having this…” He held Sanjay’s hand gently in his own…A sudden noise just outside the door broke the momentary peace…
“It must be Asha, she is always dropping things” They held each other and laughed.
“I’ll go check…” Sanjay got up and walked outside the cabin.
“Hey, wait up!” Sreekanth laughed, following him.
Sanjay stood rooted on the spot, holding a blackberry….Sreekanth looked puzzled realizing it was his phone Sanjay was clutching..
“What’s wrong?” He asked his heart heavy…and the phone started ringing…Maya’s name flashed on the screen…
